…or at least figure out how to do it. 😉
Well, it’s October… I love Autumn. I love September – December the best. Usually, it’s because I am not the biggest fan of summer. (I know, that’s when the garden grows!) But here’s the thing: I really hate the heat. I run hot all year round, so in summer, I am doubly hot. Tracy + heat = Grumpy Tracy. (Ask anyone!)
This year, it was different. This past summer was one of the nicest I can remember in at least 15 years. The temperatures were generally pleasant. We had a little more rain than we would have liked, but for the most part, it was a lovely summer.
But back to October. It’s so nice to begin to tuck in for the fall and winter seasons. Soups, sweaters, holidays… All those little things we do during this time of year that we look forward to doing.
The Past Few Years
The past few years have been good, and yet, not without difficulties. Mr. Gordon and I have had what I would describe as a particularly busy and relatively chaotic three years. We’ve moved twice (we are here to stay); there have been employment changes for both of us (one for him, two for me); we’ve really changed our (home)lifestyle – not complaining, it’s just very different; we said goodbye to our two boys (William and Mystery); after 15-ish years, we got married (This was one of those good things! 🙂 We eloped to the back porch, small ceremony.); and we’ve dealt with all of those everyday life challenges that we all face in one way or another: aging parents, we’re aging, sibling squabbles, aching backs, mid-life “what the hells?” …and so on.
Okay, before I continue on, enjoy some photos!
Above, our wedding carrot cake: Best. Date. Ever. = our first date. It was the best date ever. We’re still talking about it 16 years later!
Below: My Mom’s 80th Birthday Party this past summer.
A Good Life And…
And it IS a good life. I think Mr. Gordon and I have more blessings than most. And still I am feeling out of whack these days. I can’t seem to wrangle my routine into something manageable. And here’s the kicker: I am really tired. I can’t seem to move beyond this wicked tiredness. I’ve felt this way for a few years now. Is this just a part of getting older? I am approaching “my late 40s” – I didn’t think I would feel this tired already. I was expecting this around… oh, somewhere in my middle 70s, maybe. 😉
Where this really seems to affect me is after work. That’s where I am really struggling. I make dinner – or join Gordon when he makes dinner – we eat, and then I crash. I read or queue up Netflix. Energy for the day is spent. THAT’s where it’s really nailing me. I feel like I could be doing something more in that free time, but even my brain is tired. (I think it’s my job – a lot of mental acrobatics during the day.) Plus, I’m parked in front of the computer for 9 hours. It really saps my energy. Mr. Gordon feels the same way about riding the desk all day.
In the evening, I just want to STOP. It’s like my body is this factory and a whistle blows at 7pm and everyone running everything goes home. (Which granted, is not the way factories typically work – I know, but apparently my body/brain is not inhabited by the night shift.)
Text break – you need another picture so that you can carry on!
Above: What a find! This past September (August?) Mr. Gordon and I found this Pennsylvania House cherry hutch at a restore store we stopped at during our weekly errands. I won’t even tell you what we paid for it, but we got a smoking deal. And, we love it.
Bringing in the harvest also takes a lot of time starting in August (cucumbers), then in September and October (mostly September, though). Everything starts to ripen at once: tomatoes especially at the end. The kitchen has spent more days in a mess than clean for about six weeks now.
Another Plan?
I used to be SO planful. Ridiculously so. But I’m thinking that’s what I need to do now. Can I get back to that Tracy? I don’t know. This Tracy is different than that Tracy. In some ways, she’s better. In others, she really needs to work on some things. 😉
At the end of the day, and as I’ve typed this during the last two mornings (I’ve written, deleted, written some more, edited), I have come to the conclusion that I am missing three important pieces to this puzzle: Motivation, Time, and Energy.
I have the know-how (pretty much). I have the tools and resources (we do okay financially – by no means swimming in it, but we do okay). I have the experience. I do have a decent amount of time. Although, I’ll admit it: I have always felt a lack of time in my life. Always. “Never enough time.” This has been an issue for me my whole life. Real or imagined, I have always felt that I never get enough time. I really wish I could change that about myself (in a good, happy way, without catastrophe – feel like I need to add that caveat). 🙂
So what do I do next? Being the reader, the researcher, and the planner that I am, I suppose it’s time to actually finalize a new plan and then do it. The motivation is just going to have to come from within. The energy for it? Erm… Too bad you can’t buy energy. 🙂 I suppose I’ll just have to figure out that one, too.
Well, let’s leave you with one more picture before I close. Hmm… What do I have in my folder…?
Ah yes, some pretties from canning season. By the way, my husband is really awesome and often takes the lead when we are canning. Below you’ll see dill pickles, sweet pickle chunks, diced tomatoes, pasta sauce, corn, and beets. We store most of our canning results in the basement, but one has to store such lovely garden harvests in the kitchen hutch. For motivation. 😉
Okay, I’m off! Thanks for listening / reading. Much appreciated!
Oh dear sweet Tracy. Boy do I hear you. Loud and clear! I don’t know that I have any words of wisdom but I can tell you that I felt that way when I was working FT and trying to have a little homestead outside of work. Not that I don’t feel that way now. I did this past summer when I was going, going, going and not really following any sort of plan. I was saying yes when I should have been saying ‘let me think about it’ because I thought I needed to say yes in order to make my business successful. What I ended up doing is making a very tired and worn out Kristin.
So what do you do? You (probably) can’t quit your job. Not that that is the answer. So I think you’re on to something when you say you need a plan. And I would reevaluate all the things in your life and see if there are things that you’re saying yes to that perhaps you could say ‘maybe later’. I took about 6 weeks off from actively planning Chicken Librarian and that was 6 weeks well spent. I still worked on CL but I wasn’t running here and there doing things. I just let it be. Worked on back office stuff. And that helped.
I hope you get a sense of peace and figure out things that will help you not be so tired. We try to do it all and sometimes that just can’t happen. Hugs sweet friend. ❤
Hi Kristin – thank you for such a nice message! I truly do appreciate the time you took to write it here. 🙂 I have been slowly putting a new plan together. Right now I am focusing on my priorities and intentions. I found an old spreadsheet I put together in 2012 and have “re-purposed” it for 2019 – at least for the end of 2019. I was surprised to see how much I accomplished – or lucked out in completing – that was on the 2012 spreadsheet. True, there are a couple of outstanding items, but there were also a couple of big intentions/goals that were achieved.
I have already started to make headway into getting those priorities to actionable items, and a couple I’ve already completed (the action items). So that is good.
(Unfortunately I am not independently wealthy, har har, so I do have to remain in my full-time job. It saps a lot of mental energy out of me – even as I type this at 6:34am on a Sunday morning, I’m thinking about tasks left undone on Friday and wondering if I should “go to work” this morning. Ugh. Enough of that.)
Thank you again for coming by with your words of encouragement! They DO mean a lot!
I’m glad to hear you have some plans being put into action and accomplished some tasks! Well done!
Thank you! 🙂
My dear daughter, I really understand being tired to the point I wanted to quit it all, job, etc. Actually it was when I was 48 and my mom passed away. It seemed like I never got enough good sleep, and then while working it seemed like at 2 pm each day I could have laid right down in my cubicle and gone to sleep. But I was awake at 4 am a lot back then.
If there is a way during the 9 hr. day to get up and go outside for a walk around the beautiful property every few hrs. for 10 min. it might give you the extra energy while looking at your beautiful landscape. You cannot sit for 8 or 9 hrs. and not be tired, It will mentally drain you. Set a timer on your phone, 10 min. goes quickly but just walk. Don’t think, allow your mind to take in the surroundings, check out colors, trees, birds flying south right now, anything to “change” your mind. Do this every 2-3 hrs. and you might feel a difference. Just be…. You are probably getting “mind tired” and this is a time in your life when there will be changes, and you can help them be good ones. I love you very, very much. I myself am still a planner, but at least now I have learned not to beat myself up anymore when I don’t get the list done. If you go to bed at the same time every night no matter what, (the world won’t end if you don’t get something done), you will definitely fall asleep sooner after awhile. Also no sugar or snacks at night for me as it will keep me awake and maybe you too unless a pc. of celery and peanut butter or pc. of apple with peanut butter, is good too. Something light.
PS – Your quote, My Mom’s 8th Birthday Party this past summer. I must have been a busy lady… LOL
I did laugh. Read it and see the typo. Love you Tracy. (Still my little girl singing carols in the car in December with me when I still had a voice)…. I miss our memories so much as we spent a lot of time together alone. I am so blessed to have you in my life!!!! You are the 2nd little girl I always wanted and never thought I would have.
Hi Mom – funny, I didn’t really expect you to see this post. I wasn’t sure if you stopped by this website much these days! But thank you for words and wisdom. I also received your letter in the mail and yes, I ended up teary-eyed. But it was so nice of you. I will phone you later this morning.
A will also correct that typo! Thank you for catching it for me!
I second what the others have said…look through what you have said ‘yes’ to and what can be set aside for a season, and to get outside during the day for fresh air and a bit of nature. I find in the evenings that I am too tired to do things that require too much mental energy or focus, so I will work on more mindless things (like a simple hand project) while I watch a TV show. Doing something small like that helps me to not feel like I am ‘wasting’ my evenings 🙂
I don’t know if this is the same for you or not, but I have also noticed that in the seasonal shifts between winter/spring and summer/fall, I have a few weeks where I am very, very tired. I don’t know why, but I have really noticed it the last few years. I always regain my energy…but there’s just those few weeks that drag. Maybe a little of that is happening for you too?
Whatever it is, setting a plan with doable steps is so wise. And, cutting yourself some slack! You and your hubby have just made it through the harvest and putting up of all you’ve grown while working outside the home as well. You guys both deserve a bit of time relaxing with a cup of tea and a good show in the evenings!
Wishing you the best!
Hello Bekah – yes, I do need more “mindless” yet productive things to do in the evening. I would love to know how to knit (my best girlfriend tried to teach me once) and I have looked up tutorials online (YouTube videos), but I don’t seem to be very talented in that area. (Which really bums me out!) I do like to read, but I often will use my kindle and my eyes are already pretty strained at the end of the workday.
Hopefully with a few changes and plans I’m implementing now and in the next few months will help! 🙂 If anything, I am an optimist!
Thank you so much for stopping by! I really appreciated your kind and supportive words!